Chukchi shaman began to be rude in the queue and missed a couple of drum beats.
Released film ' The Hulk ', the viewer - the cashier:.
- Two tickets, hussy.
- What happens if you drink lots of vodka?.
- Will the next day!.
- How are you?.
- As a watermelon.
- What is it?.
- Puzo grows, dries and tail.
In 2020, the machine will fly on biofuel under the control of artificial intelligence, according to the American magazine Popular Science.
In 2020 we will begin to put the automatic transmission as standard equipment, considers AvtoVAZ.
Sidorov PhD student in the campaign saved the honor of the twelve first-year students, because the evening campfire drunk and fell asleep in the trash.
- I reread the entire Dontsova.
- Do not you have constipation?.
Armenian - an Armenian:.
- I heard your son was born, named as?.
- In honor of Gagarin!.
- Yura, what?.
- Nah, what Yura? .
- Who are you?.
- I am peaceful atom.
- Why an ax?.
- You see how little you know about the peaceful atom!.
- There is a profession for blondes - Architect -ophthalmologist.
- How's that?.
- Eyes builds!.
- Marry me.
- But you're a toad!.
- But we are in a fairy tale!.
- But you're really a toad!.
She loved this position. until a trip to the cottage.
Today's youth is difficult to imagine that the ' Swineherd and the Shepherd ' - not porn.
medical school. After the lesson, students decided to play in Latin in the Roman Empire. Lena:.
- I'll ' Lenus '.
Masha:.
- I'll ' Munis '.
Anna:.
- I will not play!.
In the oil countries, each family receives the payment - the interest from the sale of oil.
In Russia, the same as everyone knows, these families.
- Why wide jeans are called ' trousers '?.
- In the hot summer they bake balls.
Textbook of modern history: ... '.
In the dining room there are two Houses of creativity of the composer. One sadly said:.
- Ugh, shit, not the weather!.
- Speaking of crap - a colleague, you've written what's new?.
- What are you doing today?.
- Drank!.
- What was yesterday?.
- Money!.
- Girl, and I want to guess your profession from the first time?.
- Well, try it! .
He was in confusion, do not know what to say.
- Come on do not hurt, I'm a librarian! .
- Girl, you waited for the prince on a white horse?.
- I was waiting for....
- Here I am!.
- Cool! .
- Doctor, you must help me, I always think I'm a moth.
- Then you need not contact me, as a psychiatrist.
- So I said to him, and went, but you have lights lit.
- Doctor, my wife, there is red hair.
- It prevents you?.
- I do not, but my friends laugh.
- Doctor, will I live?.
- What's the point?.
- Honey! .
- What?.
- Immune!.
- Honey, I'm rolling it want you on the huge machine with a powerful motor?.
- Of course, darling!.
- Well, then went to the bus stop.
- Dear, is it true that all stupid and voracious rodents?.
- True, true, my mouse.
- Honey, we still have the problem of light.
- Light is like?.
- Well, as long as 200 grams, but if no action is taken, it will be all 3200.
- Woman, you look like you 17 years.
- Oh, thank you so kind!.
-. Left!.
- Hello, and you can track order? . it is not bowling? .
- Hello, this is a bakery?.
- No, it's creamy.
- This is where the cream do?.
- No, this is where the shit is poured.
- We kind of go together with Natasha, and we meet a crowd of hooligans!.
- Well, how - got out?.
- Ha! .
- From it will come good!.
- I'm afraid it was all out....
- Sorry, I can not patent a time machine?.
- Excuse me, but it is patented July 11, 1998.
- Ah, ah. and. sorry, you're 10 July 1998 the first?.
- As translated «sit down»?.
- ...
- Honey, is in me something good?.
- Yes, but I pull out now!.
- My dear, how you want something light and warm!.
- Beer will be?.
- Girl, you have probably been in a beauty salon?.
- Yes.
- There must have been closed, right?.
- Girl, I can teach you the art of love.
- And how do you intend to spend on my education?.
- Keep a movie ticket!.
- Why so little?.
- And you put it under your tongue and wait for a session!.
plant. Digger - digger:.
- Why did the chiefs of the hands of assholes grow?.
- They keep them in a chair.
- I bought a rabbit.
- In memory of our relationship?.
- No. He just sleeps and eats shit. Although, yes!.
Please note, the land! . What should I do?.
- On-board 13! .
- Once I knew a lot of jokes and stories about women's headaches, fatigue and how it interferes with their husbands to enjoy life.
Then I got married, and it turned out that all this was not a joke.
For now, even babies know that United Russia party - the party of crooks and thieves, Putin called on to change the brand in the People's Front.
Front - a war. People - because this war with the people.
I am a cat 's paw stuck in the sandpaper, it is now not only washes but also shaves.
- What do you do when you can not sleep?.
- Sheep think.
- Ha! .
- That's what I meant.
A six-year girl playing hopscotch, came out of cans of shoe polish in a head- steklo'Bentli ' and realized that his childhood was over, and we have to go to work.
In the operating room during a serious operation, the nurse refers to a person lying on the operating stole:.
- Man! .
Little Johnny asked at the pharmacy:.
- Do you have any painkillers?.
- What do you hurt?.
- Nothing, but my father went to the parents' meeting.
Man:.
- Tell me how much it costs to drive up the market?.
Taxi driver:.
- A hundred rubles.
Man:.
- And if, along with his wife?.
Taxi driver:.
- A hundred rubles.
The man turns to his wife:.
- I told you, you fool, you're not worth anything!.
Near the bed in the morning are three sock. I think - then under the bed one more look down - there are two more!.
- Tell me, what is the difference between that and these phones?.
- The difference between this and this phone is that there is a MP3-player, and this - the camera.
Every day on the House -2 come the mountain of correspondence, viewers send letters, parcels, toys, sweets and goodies, such as cakes, sweets, rolls, cakes. By the way, just out of cake specialists have learned a total of 3 tons of potassium cyanide and 2 tons of TNT.
Pop music - it is unreliable. Today you're a complete moron, tomorrow - the idol of millions.
A very fat woman, wanting to lose weight, hung in her kitchen, a reminder:.
' I do not eat after six '. My husband finished the ' MORNING! .
Talk to the sister, describing their chest pain, then it turns out that she is now experiencing the same. Sitting next to her husband, and concludes:.
- All defective Party!.
I am not vindictive. I am angry, but my memory is bad and there's nothing I write.
I can take revenge, to forget, and then again to take revenge.
Should a drunken man at the bus stop, and clings to a lamppost. Ment approaches him and asks what he was doing.
- Waiting for her.
- Who is it?.
- Tram!.
- Tram it is!.
- I told him between the wheels did not look!.
Chapaev with Petya was sent to Africa for cultural aid to underdeveloped countries. Soon comes the Central Commission to check their work. They see riding in a flowing cloak Chapaeva along the river Limpopo and the towing cable on the negro, rolling on the river water skiing. The Commission is satisfied. She moves on and meets Petka, who harnessed to a plow two blacks and plow the land. The Commission is outraged:.
- Is that cultural means? .
- No, it's Vassily Ivanovich crocodile caught on live bait!.
- A businessman learned that his wife is cheating, he immediately made a scandal drove her, and she had robed in court he had acquired half. And there was a case, a businessman, after learning that his wife was changing, quietly withdrew money from all accounts, reissued on the front men of business, apartments, cars. Then said he to her divorce. And she has not received a penny.
- Do you know these two people?.
- Why do both, it is one and the same person.
Rallied. Conferred and decided it - not sprayed, and I - to continue to rest.
where to download the renewal of life?.
Bill Gates after sex goes to sleep.
- Waiter, I ordered the seafood!.
- I brought the pasta nautically.
- A friend gave the book to read about Russia under Ivan the Terrible. On the brutal torture and executions of the time.
- He must be fond of history?.
- No. I told him 2000 dollars to.
A woman comes to a gynecologist, and complains:.
- Doctor, my husband and I live in the past three years, really want a baby, and I still can not get pregnant.
- Well, undress, go through.
- [ Confused ] I'm sorry doctor, but I would like first-born from her husband.
Maybach Car Auto Service. Cool packs the HP service center and close to m in the car for repair to detail.
A day comes to collect. He is given a bill for work done. He looks up and says:.
- Okay! .
Well, what a dick swapping wheels off my $ 50,000?.
It turns out the master and said: - We do not pump wheel and pump up your mouth!.
- We have two problems at the enterprise.
- Fools and roads?.
- No! .
The case of the children's theater. There is a fairy tale. The moment where you should see about the main villain - the light is off, the orchestra so wary buzzing in the room.
silence and? voltage. and suddenly a thin, childish voice:.
- Fuck! .
Chechen caught a goldfish. Twists it, does not know what to do with it.
- Now make a wish.
- A Th is it?.
- Well, how do you explain yesterday 's caught me and asked Azeri one million dollars, well, I did. What do you want?.
- Address, shit!.
I caught the wolf and Little Red Riding Hood pulled into the bushes.
- Come on!.
- Wolf, are you mad?.
- I am who I say, let's.
- Wolf, you're so great, and I am so small.
- Come on, if not angry.
Little Red Riding Hood raised her skirt, pulls together funk.
- I'm here to shit that has resulted? .
1: and I now have a car! .
2: Wow! .
1: neee. just the snow melted, I found her and. ).
Brawl in the family. Wife batters husband. Unhappy hid under the bed. My wife is trying to get his mop:.
- Get out!.
- Do not get out.
- Get out! .
- Do not get out.
- Get out! .
- Who 's the Boss? .
Examination in Economics.
Professor:.
- Please explain the social conditions of the financial crisis in 2008.
student:.
- It is very simple. At some point, banks and investors simultaneously sent to each other in the ass. As a result, all at once found themselves in the ass.
robot: Each time after intercourse girlfriend says that it numbs the skin of the abdomen, that is, loses sensitivity. Numbness lasts a few minutes. This is a normal or a sign of pathology? .
Kryptos: You're a cool guy I look.
Not only women but also men have to be a mystery.
And then once: Married? .
Can not see any way if you like the young man? . On his return home - undress. Throw panties on the ceiling. Stuck?. So, enjoy!.
- Do you know - Phil Jew because.
- How do you know?.
- Well, not from the finger is sucked.
xxx: I do not hold it evil - let him go in peace.
xxx: but in the ass!.
I now wondered how a dog breed Chihuahua Hua said in the plural?.
xxx: There dragged pocket scales - with weights. Precision to 0. 1 gram. All the department believe that they would weigh.
yyy: what do you think. standing and hanging member weigh the same?.
was 2:00.
xxx: blah. You have found a way to paralyze the defense enterprise.
1: you give me 2 UAH. be.
2: OK, write to my account ))).
1: Okay, I will add to the $ 100.
2: $ 100 for what?.
1: for opening an account ))) ))).
- Hello, Sergey G.? . Sorry that bothers you on vacation. We want to change the priority of running tasks. Please give me a.
the admin password to access the server.
- How do you get in a jam I. In the Latin layout, Russian letters, no spaces.
- How to Lena?.
- We are creased.
-?.
- Yesterday I made fun of her, and she said that she does not accept jokes from the waist down.
- And what are you kidding?.
- About her breasts.
- Figase her chest!.
Husband and wife sit in the evening in the kitchen and talk to:.
- Our neighbor is a very clever man!.
- Why do you think?.
- When our son 's birthday was given a drum, he was the only thought of asking: ' Do you know that inside him '?.
Nightmares of Q. today for the first couple of months for the night turned off the computer.
barely in this bl @ dskoy quiet sleep.
He: I'm sorry:) forgot your name.
it: remember. as Pugachev:).
it is: O_o Emelyan?.
it is: a fool.
>Romashka Serge, except sex do guys do not need anything? .
>Serg Len, you're with him for six months, you meet. We do not except sex do not need anything, we just do without sex for the rest do not have.
xxx: I sit in the car gai, he was silent and I am silent.
xxx: Then he says to me that you do not suggesting?.
xxx: I said, marry me!.
xxx: It is neighing, and let.
The artist asks the owner of the gallery, if anyone was interested in his work, presented at the exhibition.
- You see, I have good news and bad news.
- Start with a good.
- One gentleman inquired about your paintings and increased interest in whether their value after your death. When I told him that of course they will become more expensive, this man bought all of your work.
- This is great! .
- This gentleman - your doctor.
- And what we drink today?.
- Beer.
- What was yesterday?.
- Money.
Guys!.
...
Husband and wife in the kitchen. Suddenly, from behind the wall:.
- Fag!.
Husband to his wife:.
- Turn on the telly, I forgot, there are our football play.
Arshavin 's wife:.
- Andrew, where have you been?.
- Football is played.
- And why the shirt is dry and does not smell?.
- So I g for the team.
- Rabbi, I want a divorce.
- Reasons?.
- There are many reasons. But most importantly: I'm married!.
- What do you think the teacher a new French?.
- In general, it is as a protective film on the screen of the new phone.
- So?.
- I want to take and Tore!.
One man - the other:.
- You know, I finally understood why the 'MAZDA' is so popular among our women!.
- Well, and why?.
- The gender!.
-?.
- And you 'Z' to turn 90 degrees.
FAS received the same command from the president, but limited to loud barking leaping.
- Always dreamed of such work, to work in the summer in the northern hemisphere, and winter - in the southern.
- Well, excuse me, the profession peregonschika wild ducks had not yet invented.
Rabinowitz comes to grocery shop, and asks:.
- How much does a ham?.
As soon as he comes out into the street, a storm begins. Powerful thunder shakes the neighborhood. Rabinowitz looks up to heaven and said in a conciliatory tone:.
- What is it, we can not even ask?.
A man looks at the 5000th to the light bill, not a fake.
Appears policeman:.
- You do not drive?.
- No.
- Sorry.
